I like to think it a success when the cops are called
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
