I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
