I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
