I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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