Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
