well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
