Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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