she woke up with a sticky ear
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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