Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Do you have feelings for this penis?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
