I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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