I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
