It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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