He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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