Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
