just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
where am i from again
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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