marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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