You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
