The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
