wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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