Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
did you just send me my own nude
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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