Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
