Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
