I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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