there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
