I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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