it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
