It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
