DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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