She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
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The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
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Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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