shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
