Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
