i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
