I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
