woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
