I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
