Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
