Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
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I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
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Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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