Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
