Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
