Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
