i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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