I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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