the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
