Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
