can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
