there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
