On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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