i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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