i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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