For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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