I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
