I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
