Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You were trust falling into bushes
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