Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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