My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Even my vagina gasped.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I woke up under a house in Key West
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