i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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