Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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