I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
