So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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