Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
