none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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