i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Oh god it's open bar.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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