From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I wish i was in the wii world.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
