Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
