Having a random hookup so left but love u
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
