I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
