Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
