Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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