I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
