i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
