We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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