Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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